Ever wonder what the afterlife review looks like for crypto traders? Picture this: you're standing at the pearly gates, and instead of a life highlight reel, you get the cold, hard stats—every fumbled trade, every panic sell, every "I should've held" moment laid bare.

That number would probably hit different. All those bags you dropped too early. All those pumps you watched from the sidelines after rage-quitting a position. The universe keeping receipts while you were just trying to survive the volatility.

Maybe that's the real final boss: confronting your trading history without the ability to cope or rationalize. No "next time" to look forward to. Just you and the trades that got away.